i drop a piece of weed and it fell in a spider web and the spider was like “my nigga” and we fist pounded
i want kids but i dont wanna be pregnant or give birth but i dont wanna adopt either because i want them to be mine do you see my problem
basically you want to be a father
this is the most accurate thing i ever read
I’m having an asthma attack omg this is perfect
one of the few things on tumblr I genuinely find hilarious
this is gold
“I’ll never forget the day Marilyn and I were walking around New York City, just having a stroll on a nice day. She loved New York because no one bothered her there like they did in Hollywood, she could put on her plain-jane clothes and no one would notice her. She loved that. So as we we’re walking down Broadway, she turns to me and says ‘Do you want to see me become her?’ I didn’t know what she meant but I just said ‘Yes’- and then I saw it. I don’t know how to explain what she did because it was so very subtle, but she turned something on within herself that was almost like magic. And suddenly cars were slowing and people were turning their heads and stopping to stare. They were recognizing that this was Marilyn Monroe as if she pulled off a mask or something, even though a second ago nobody noticed her. I had never seen anything like it before.” - Amy Greene, wife of Marilyn’s personal photographer Milton Greene
superultraextremeawesomemazing:
The cop is just like: Aww yes, this kid is going dow- god damn it. Are you kidding me?
do you ever just listen to someone’s problem and you have nothing to say except “I’m sorry” becuase there is literally no way for you to help and you get sucked into a vortex of guilt and despair because you are useless
school: hi your GPA needs to be at least a 4.2 and you have to get perfect scores on your SAT's and ACT's and HSPA's and LMNOP's so you should be spending every second of your life studying if you want to get into college
school: oh but you should be in 6000 clubs and activities
school: and do volunteer work
school: but you need a car and gas money to get to all these places so have a job
school: do sports
school: be musically talented
school: wow eww you breathe?? colleges won't like that
school: best four years of your life!!1!
